What’s Stopping You from Taking care of Yourself?

I’m sure you have heard and read about all the benefits of self-care: increased energy and motivation, more focus, reduced stress and body inflammation, etc. The research seems to show that engaging in self-care is a boon to your physical, emotional and spiritual health. So why don’t many of us do it?

In my therapy practice I hear and see many reasons for not focusing on this skill, and self-care is a skill with the need for intention and practice. However, if you dig deeper under these excuses, one usually finds that certain underlying beliefs get in the way the most. Underlying beliefs are values, rules, biases, etc. that all of us hold in our minds and that impact our behavior. We are usually ignorant of their existence.

Are you someone who doesn’t engage in enough self-care? Perhaps there are underlying assumptions at work in your mind too. Exploring this using the questions below will help you gain greater understanding of what might be an obstacle for you.

Do I believe I am worthy of self-care?
Am I selfish/weak/indulgent putting my needs above others?
Do I feel guilty or shameful if I give to myself?
Am I worried about what others might think of me if I prioritize myself?
Why am I letting life interfere with self-care?

Use the questions above as a guide. Add others if they seem appropriate to you. Perhaps consider addressing one question per night. Take your time and really listen to what answers come into your head. These will give you greater understanding of yourself, likely lead to additional questions for yourself and to a path to change your actions. 

If you discover underlying beliefs that are in your way, consider how to change them. You can discuss it with a friend or trusted family member. Talk with a therapist. Journal about the roots of your beliefs. Continue to just allow your brain to address it and see if it comes up with a solution on its own!