I recently watched the movie “The Soloist” starring Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey, Jr.  Yes, it premiered in 2009 and I just saw it. Can you relate?

It is the story of a homeless musician and the journalist who befriends him.  The emotional growth of L.A. Times writer Steve Lopez is one of the primary character arcs and it resonates with how many of us also adapt and respond to the elders in our lives. Can we release control and be honest with ourselves?

Steve initially is intent on fixing and improving the life of Nathaniel Ayers, the homeless and mentally ill cello player. He uses his skills and resources to get Nathaniel an apartment, cello teacher, private symphony recital, and other benefits, which Nathaniel never asks for and is questionable if he wants. Steve’s view of what a better life is becomes imposed upon Nathaniel. 

Have you ever questioned your loved one’s choices, imposing your own beliefs and feelings as to what might be best for them? Your mother or father want to remain living in the family home, despite what you see as drawbacks. Your loved one refuses the medication that might improve quality of life or extend life? Provided that the individual is competent and understands the risks/benefits of their choice, it is their choice. It is our role to tolerate the witnessing of these choices.

Eventually, Steve realizes that Nathaniel is in charge of his life and choices and learns to accept and respect these and even find moments of joy within these parameters. We might not feel joy in our loved ones choices (this is, after all, a movie), but we could aspire to develop more of Steve’s respect for each unique individuals journey.